im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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