I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
