My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
