so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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