when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
