You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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