careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
