i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
