no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
my poor anus
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
