Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
being pregnant is like rehab
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
