we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
