you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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