Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize