Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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