She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize