I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
