you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
