This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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