My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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