So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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