I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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