Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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