I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
