look no pants
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
