Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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