I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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