this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
