Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
