i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
