I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
