Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
