Already got asked if we're dating
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
