The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Can you bring me the toilet please
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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