you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
