that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
