i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
