omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
