So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
