After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
