I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
