Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
