I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
