I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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