His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
