Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
