We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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