How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
