he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
