Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Success! We fucked roommates!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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