I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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