puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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