dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
