Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
