The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
