did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize