Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
