Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
