Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I believe in your delicious
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
