Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
