You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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