I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
