A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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