my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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