Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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