she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
