when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I party with great urgency now.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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