hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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