This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
