There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
