I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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