I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
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