i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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