if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Farmville is her only friend.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
