clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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