They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
