it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
MIDGETS
????
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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