I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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