I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
