I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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