if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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